Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
