this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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