Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
