i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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