I wanna bring you to show and tell
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
