Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
