im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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