i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
