I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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