...so i touched it.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize