Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
