It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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