Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
