i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
