she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
