I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize