the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
