I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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