So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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