it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
