a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
