I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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