its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
