Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
