is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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