so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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