The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
