I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
