My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can't turn off my feet"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
