and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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