we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
