i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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