Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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