He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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