You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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