I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
