JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
