I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize