and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
