lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
