Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
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