i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize