Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
