I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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