apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
