Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
