just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
