Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
