U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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