hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
and she was petting her beer can
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
