If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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