He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize