i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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