Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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