I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Randomize
