ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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