im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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