I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
