I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
