Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
