Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize