tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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