It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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