I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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