I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
