I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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