a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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