FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize