listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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